Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Can you feel your luck turning?
Maybe not. Maybe that's why so many gamblers in Vegas lose instead of winning: they don't know when to stop.
Another view is that that people lose--and by people I mean professional gamblers who really understand how to play with the odds structure that exists--when they don't have enough resources to last them through the losing games to get to the winning ones.
Because he was trying to do the right thing, Paul took another composer off his Coke project and put my brother on it. Because they aren't communicating very well, he bought a $700 ticket to LA this weekend. Because the plane took off late, he missed his first connection in Houston. Because of weather conditions, he missed all the other connections as well and they told him they couldn't book him on a flight until Sunday. He's scheduled to leave LA first thing on Monday morning, leaving little time to work on music for the film--the thing he cares most about at the moment, since the demise of the thesis film.
Is this how it is? One thing happens, and then another, and then you're sitting in a homeless shelter explaining how everything was almost different.
I hope not
...he just got on standby for a flight tomorrow. Cross your fingers please!
Another view is that that people lose--and by people I mean professional gamblers who really understand how to play with the odds structure that exists--when they don't have enough resources to last them through the losing games to get to the winning ones.
Because he was trying to do the right thing, Paul took another composer off his Coke project and put my brother on it. Because they aren't communicating very well, he bought a $700 ticket to LA this weekend. Because the plane took off late, he missed his first connection in Houston. Because of weather conditions, he missed all the other connections as well and they told him they couldn't book him on a flight until Sunday. He's scheduled to leave LA first thing on Monday morning, leaving little time to work on music for the film--the thing he cares most about at the moment, since the demise of the thesis film.
Is this how it is? One thing happens, and then another, and then you're sitting in a homeless shelter explaining how everything was almost different.
I hope not
...he just got on standby for a flight tomorrow. Cross your fingers please!
Friday, December 29, 2006
I'm in the Land of La
Los Angeles,
Hanging out in my rocking house/cat/sit in Santa Monica. The woman I'm sitting for has shelfloads of books, too bad I have to leave the house everyday. Am enjoying seeing my friends and family...although the family situation in general...weird. I will maybe expand on this later. Maybe not.
Hanging out in my rocking house/cat/sit in Santa Monica. The woman I'm sitting for has shelfloads of books, too bad I have to leave the house everyday. Am enjoying seeing my friends and family...although the family situation in general...weird. I will maybe expand on this later. Maybe not.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Coming Clean
Today, in between watching several episodes of Arrested Development, we did laundry and cleaned the house, which feels really good. For some reason, when I clean out of a depression, I often think of a scene from Men Don’t Leave, a movie which I don’t remember much as a whole, but there is a scene where Jessica Lange’s character has been depressed and in bed for days, and her son’s girlfriend comes over, cleans the whole house, and gets her out of bed. Tonight we went to see Jet Li’s Fearless at the dollar movie house, and as cheesy as it sounds, it was a really comforting movie to see, I enjoyed it a lot. In this movie as well, there is a scene, where after Jet Li’s character has hit bottom, a woman comes and washes his hair.
As a generally messy person, I am usually in a position where I have to maintain my equilibrium in spite of my external surroundings, but when things falls apart, it amazes me how cleaning a room, getting a haircut, having order in few physical things in one’s life, can help things start to make sense again.
As a generally messy person, I am usually in a position where I have to maintain my equilibrium in spite of my external surroundings, but when things falls apart, it amazes me how cleaning a room, getting a haircut, having order in few physical things in one’s life, can help things start to make sense again.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
This Rocks
While trying unsuccessfully to make my video a few posts ago embed correctly, I came across this, which embeds easily, and is also good.
Lindy HIP HOP
Lindy HIP HOP
Broken
I think Paul’s heart is broken over this thesis thing, and every time I think about it or look at him I want to cry, although I try not to, because it doesn’t help, and its always weird to have someone be more dramatic in their grief than you are over your misfortune. But he’s not here right now, and I’m crying as I write this.
The outcome is hard to bear on so many different levels. The fact that deliberations lasted for six hours, and that at least one member of the faculty “fought really hard for him,” indicates how close he came, and also that there are faculty members who must have fought just a little bit harder against. That after they decided, they took the crew that he had assembled, put him on it, and assigned it, almost verbatim, to his friend, who is a bit of a golden child in the department. That the two people who won spots in his category are people whose films were improved specifically from his efforts and creative input. That he worked with such focus toward this goal that it has, at times, put our marriage at risk.
I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that good things, or at least the right things, come from things that might initially seem bad. I know that he’s a fighter, and he’ll pursue other avenues soon, that other things will seem as important. I know there are things to learn that if we can learn them will make our lives better. But right now everything just feels unfair, and karmic-ly wrong.
The outcome is hard to bear on so many different levels. The fact that deliberations lasted for six hours, and that at least one member of the faculty “fought really hard for him,” indicates how close he came, and also that there are faculty members who must have fought just a little bit harder against. That after they decided, they took the crew that he had assembled, put him on it, and assigned it, almost verbatim, to his friend, who is a bit of a golden child in the department. That the two people who won spots in his category are people whose films were improved specifically from his efforts and creative input. That he worked with such focus toward this goal that it has, at times, put our marriage at risk.
I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that good things, or at least the right things, come from things that might initially seem bad. I know that he’s a fighter, and he’ll pursue other avenues soon, that other things will seem as important. I know there are things to learn that if we can learn them will make our lives better. But right now everything just feels unfair, and karmic-ly wrong.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Extra Time and Your...
Something to lighten the mood. As promised, the final project from my Jazz class.
As background I will mention that I started dancing at a young age, and although I have always loved it, one general weakness in my life has also affected my dancing. One of my first recitals happened when I was about six. I think this is right because one of my costumes was white with and blue sequins and I think our hats said '76. That costume went with the music "Give My Regards to Broadway," and the dance involve lots of kicks and walks while having our arms linked over each other's shoulders. Another peice must have been ballet because I remember the classic pink tutu. But the piece that forshadowed the life-long burden I still bear was the Finale. It involved the little girls and the the "big" girls--who were probably twelve or thirteen, but seemed full adults to me. There was some acrobatics involved, and at one point I had to run and climb on one of the larger girl's shoulders. This in itself was not the problem so much as the fact that in costume, all the big girls looked the same to me. And I think she was not located immediately behind or to either side of me, but kind of back and at a diagonal. I was never sure where I was going, I just remember kind of generally running on cue, and hoping an arm would reach out and grab me...Utter lack of spatial ability.
Thirty years later, I'm still trying in this class, but six times out of ten, if we cross the floor on a diagonal or have any kind of rotational steps, I will end up facing the back wall. Thus you will notice, that the majority of our choreography for this final project takes place on a grid.
If I never get this to play, here's the link:
As background I will mention that I started dancing at a young age, and although I have always loved it, one general weakness in my life has also affected my dancing. One of my first recitals happened when I was about six. I think this is right because one of my costumes was white with and blue sequins and I think our hats said '76. That costume went with the music "Give My Regards to Broadway," and the dance involve lots of kicks and walks while having our arms linked over each other's shoulders. Another peice must have been ballet because I remember the classic pink tutu. But the piece that forshadowed the life-long burden I still bear was the Finale. It involved the little girls and the the "big" girls--who were probably twelve or thirteen, but seemed full adults to me. There was some acrobatics involved, and at one point I had to run and climb on one of the larger girl's shoulders. This in itself was not the problem so much as the fact that in costume, all the big girls looked the same to me. And I think she was not located immediately behind or to either side of me, but kind of back and at a diagonal. I was never sure where I was going, I just remember kind of generally running on cue, and hoping an arm would reach out and grab me...Utter lack of spatial ability.
Thirty years later, I'm still trying in this class, but six times out of ten, if we cross the floor on a diagonal or have any kind of rotational steps, I will end up facing the back wall. Thus you will notice, that the majority of our choreography for this final project takes place on a grid.
If I never get this to play, here's the link:
Setback
The list went up, 1:30 AM. Paul’s name was not on it. So we are saaaad..
But resilient.
How boring would it be on talk show interviews in the future if he just cruised through the paces with no obstacles to overcome?
But resilient.
How boring would it be on talk show interviews in the future if he just cruised through the paces with no obstacles to overcome?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Grades are in!
Yesterday I read my last twenty student papers, today I submitted the grades with 4 hours and 29 minutes left to spare, according to the time clock ticking away next to the electronic submission roster. I think the semester might now officially be over.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Big Day.
At high noon Paul and his producer, Safia, will appear before a panel of faculty to “pitch” his concept for a thesis film. Out of the twenty-five students in his program, only five will be awarded a final film with a budget of $30,000. The decisions are based on a number of criteria…quality of past films, peer reviews (regarding your reliability, leadership skills, artistic vision and ability to collaborate etc), how your film subject or genre fits into the “line-up” of other films that are chosen, and…your performance at the pitch itself.
So. It’s one hour until pitch time. If you happen to read this, send a little karma our way.
Pitches last all day today and tomorrow and the list will be posted on the bulletin board at the film school at midnight on Tuesday, like some kind of deranged episode of “Fame.”
I’ll let you know the outcome.
So. It’s one hour until pitch time. If you happen to read this, send a little karma our way.
Pitches last all day today and tomorrow and the list will be posted on the bulletin board at the film school at midnight on Tuesday, like some kind of deranged episode of “Fame.”
I’ll let you know the outcome.
Friday, December 15, 2006
A Post About Film Stuff
A few of my readers have mentioned that mostly they just skim my blog looking for posts about Paul’s burgeoning film career, so I thought I would put “film” in the title of this update just to make it easier.
It’s been a busy and crazy week or so. The film from the clown shoot came back (from the developing lab) looking good, but the sound needed a little work. Apparently some of the acting performances were at the same level as the “sound floor” (which I think is the just what we used to call “room tone” or the “ambient sound”) of the location. Because of this he had to do quite a bit of “ADR” or Additional Dialogue Recording. Two of my lines got ADR’d over the weekend, so I can tell you about it.
The ADR room is a recording studio like ones you see in movies, where the band or singer is in a room, and the guy on the mixing board is in an adjacent room behind a glass window. Paul sat behind the window, and I went into the recording room and sat on a stool facing a TV monitor, and put on a big pair of headphones. Then he played the part of a scene he needed to re-dub. There is a line where I say “Thank you, Louie,” so he played that part over and over again. Each time it started again there would be a little “beep beep beep” to cue me, and then I would watch my own lips on the monitor, and say “Thank you, Louie.” Afterwards, he could listen to all the takes and pick the one that he felt worked the best. The hardest things about recording ADR is that you can hear your original performance at low volume, and you hear yourself talking in the present at a much higher volume, but it is just slightly delayed, like when you have a messed up phone connection, and hear yourself echoing.
Tuesday and Wednesday nights were was the shoot for the Coke contest. They shot at an office, so the shoots started at 5pm when the office closed, and went into the wee hours of the night. Thanks to our dedicated friends who stayed up til 3am to be extras!
And tonight was screening for the student films. His movie, “A Clown’s Life,” got a very good audience response, so he was very happy about this. So was I. My little brother Greg did a great job on the musical score. And even though on a personal level I’m not incredibly happy with him, I will still link to his recently formed company’s website here, because it looks very good and we’re proud of him.
Next up, the “Thesis pitch,” Only five people in Paul’s class of twenty-five will be awarded directorships for their final “thesis” films. On Monday and Tuesday, each student has to go in and “pitch’ their film idea, and based on that pitch, track record and some other criteria, the faculty will choose the lucky five. This is what Paul has been working hard for for the last year and a half…so please keep your fingers crossed!
(A couple notes not about film…my colonoscopy this morning…All clear, which is good news, because, you know, cancer would be such a damper on all of this.
And, I promised not to talk about this anymore, but I happened to see my Old English professor at the screenings. (His daughter is a talented actress who acts in many of the student films.) He said I was getting an A on my project…whoo hoo! If he noticed that I “abridged” it by about fifty lines of translation, he didn’t mention it, and so neither did I!
It’s been a busy and crazy week or so. The film from the clown shoot came back (from the developing lab) looking good, but the sound needed a little work. Apparently some of the acting performances were at the same level as the “sound floor” (which I think is the just what we used to call “room tone” or the “ambient sound”) of the location. Because of this he had to do quite a bit of “ADR” or Additional Dialogue Recording. Two of my lines got ADR’d over the weekend, so I can tell you about it.
The ADR room is a recording studio like ones you see in movies, where the band or singer is in a room, and the guy on the mixing board is in an adjacent room behind a glass window. Paul sat behind the window, and I went into the recording room and sat on a stool facing a TV monitor, and put on a big pair of headphones. Then he played the part of a scene he needed to re-dub. There is a line where I say “Thank you, Louie,” so he played that part over and over again. Each time it started again there would be a little “beep beep beep” to cue me, and then I would watch my own lips on the monitor, and say “Thank you, Louie.” Afterwards, he could listen to all the takes and pick the one that he felt worked the best. The hardest things about recording ADR is that you can hear your original performance at low volume, and you hear yourself talking in the present at a much higher volume, but it is just slightly delayed, like when you have a messed up phone connection, and hear yourself echoing.
Tuesday and Wednesday nights were was the shoot for the Coke contest. They shot at an office, so the shoots started at 5pm when the office closed, and went into the wee hours of the night. Thanks to our dedicated friends who stayed up til 3am to be extras!
And tonight was screening for the student films. His movie, “A Clown’s Life,” got a very good audience response, so he was very happy about this. So was I. My little brother Greg did a great job on the musical score. And even though on a personal level I’m not incredibly happy with him, I will still link to his recently formed company’s website here, because it looks very good and we’re proud of him.
Next up, the “Thesis pitch,” Only five people in Paul’s class of twenty-five will be awarded directorships for their final “thesis” films. On Monday and Tuesday, each student has to go in and “pitch’ their film idea, and based on that pitch, track record and some other criteria, the faculty will choose the lucky five. This is what Paul has been working hard for for the last year and a half…so please keep your fingers crossed!
(A couple notes not about film…my colonoscopy this morning…All clear, which is good news, because, you know, cancer would be such a damper on all of this.
And, I promised not to talk about this anymore, but I happened to see my Old English professor at the screenings. (His daughter is a talented actress who acts in many of the student films.) He said I was getting an A on my project…whoo hoo! If he noticed that I “abridged” it by about fifty lines of translation, he didn’t mention it, and so neither did I!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Colonoscopy #4
It's like the name for a work of art, or a musical composition. And I’d never noticed how “o” heavy it is. That word has four "o"s. And eleven letters, so you’d have to be pretty lucky to build that word in multiple turns at Scrabble.
Anyway.
Night before the big game girls! Let’s make it four straight. Reeeady, Okay! Only one more year and I can apply for individual health insurance again.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Let’s just get through this one.
Let’s just reflect.
Because it’s not so much a matter of positive or negative results…well it partly is. But it’s a matter of accessing whether I have been using my time wisely, living my live fully yada yada ya. Sorry, two hours of sleep last night, no food today. Just lots and lots of salty liquids.
I think I have been. I’ve been trying. To live my fully that is. If you had one week to live, what would you do? One month? One year? Maybe one year but maybe ten? Ahh, that’s where it gets harder. If it’s one year, well I should definitely blow off more Old English homework. But if it’s ten or more, I could maybe finish a PhD. Might be fun. Something to do. So I could invest much more time and have a bigger, better project. But if it’s only year, will I regret neglecting other things in deference to an investment that only pays off in the future? The trick is to have a balanced portfolio. A few high-risk stocks, and then some mutual funds for the long term. If the market should take a dive tomorrow, would watching eight back-to-back episodes of Veronica Mars this evening be considered loss or gain? Conventional wisdom would not consider being curled on the couch watching TV to living life that fully. It’s not adventurous, or spontaneous. But sometime it’s exactly what you want to do. Escape living so fully.
I don’t want to travel around the world right now. I’ve done it. You have to pack for too many different scenarios and then deal with luggage the whole time. I like school. I would only want to be where Paul was, and I would only want him to be doing something he really wants to do. Film School, Creative Writing Program. We won the lottery… not in the genetically based statistical chances for having cancer kind of way, but in some other ways, definitely.
I can sleep now.
Anyway.
Night before the big game girls! Let’s make it four straight. Reeeady, Okay! Only one more year and I can apply for individual health insurance again.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Let’s just get through this one.
Let’s just reflect.
Because it’s not so much a matter of positive or negative results…well it partly is. But it’s a matter of accessing whether I have been using my time wisely, living my live fully yada yada ya. Sorry, two hours of sleep last night, no food today. Just lots and lots of salty liquids.
I think I have been. I’ve been trying. To live my fully that is. If you had one week to live, what would you do? One month? One year? Maybe one year but maybe ten? Ahh, that’s where it gets harder. If it’s one year, well I should definitely blow off more Old English homework. But if it’s ten or more, I could maybe finish a PhD. Might be fun. Something to do. So I could invest much more time and have a bigger, better project. But if it’s only year, will I regret neglecting other things in deference to an investment that only pays off in the future? The trick is to have a balanced portfolio. A few high-risk stocks, and then some mutual funds for the long term. If the market should take a dive tomorrow, would watching eight back-to-back episodes of Veronica Mars this evening be considered loss or gain? Conventional wisdom would not consider being curled on the couch watching TV to living life that fully. It’s not adventurous, or spontaneous. But sometime it’s exactly what you want to do. Escape living so fully.
I don’t want to travel around the world right now. I’ve done it. You have to pack for too many different scenarios and then deal with luggage the whole time. I like school. I would only want to be where Paul was, and I would only want him to be doing something he really wants to do. Film School, Creative Writing Program. We won the lottery… not in the genetically based statistical chances for having cancer kind of way, but in some other ways, definitely.
I can sleep now.
Yeah, midnight didn't happen so much.
But I'm pretty close now, just need a cover page. I added an illustration. Only me and maybe the three other people in the world who have read Book 4 of Gregory's Dialogues in Old English will think this is funny, but I'm posting it anyway.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
It won’t die…
Old English.
Still.
I really thought that at 4pm, I would just take whatever I had over to the humanities department and turn it in. What really happened is that I DID stop translating (line 116), but still have hours of persnickety formatting, making of bibliographies, additional research etc. My new deadline is MIDNIGHT. That’s it.
Then I have to go pick some stuff up at the 24 hour pharmacy that I haven’t really talked about yet, and buy a spindle of DVD’s for Paul’s film stuff that I also haven’t talked about. So tomorrow I will turn this project in first thing in the morning, and then, I promise: I’LL CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Still.
I really thought that at 4pm, I would just take whatever I had over to the humanities department and turn it in. What really happened is that I DID stop translating (line 116), but still have hours of persnickety formatting, making of bibliographies, additional research etc. My new deadline is MIDNIGHT. That’s it.
Then I have to go pick some stuff up at the 24 hour pharmacy that I haven’t really talked about yet, and buy a spindle of DVD’s for Paul’s film stuff that I also haven’t talked about. So tomorrow I will turn this project in first thing in the morning, and then, I promise: I’LL CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Those were the days...
Every so often, though not too often, perhaps as I’m translating line 53 of 160 lines of Old English text, my inbox will “ping,” and I’ll get a letter like this.
Hi Paul
My husband just loves his gift last Xmas of PauleatsPerth
I have a question. My husband wants to go to a new restaurant in Perth for his birthday next month and I can't find it anywhere - wondering if you may be able to help.
It is M & M's or M'nM????????? Do you know of it? Is it good?
Thank you
Regards, Beth Klenner
Beth, the restaurant which you seek is called “Eminem,” which has nothing to do with the rapper. It’s Turkish, and the chef there won a “best new talent” award this year.
I am feeling nostalgic, and sad that 2007 is almost upon us, but there will be no PaulEats Perth 2007 edition. Putting that book together, especially the index, was incredibly tedious, grueling even, not unlike creating an Old English glossary. But at the end of that tedious grueling task, I had a book. When I get done with this, I’m not sure what I’ll have…but it won’t be a book.
Hi Paul
My husband just loves his gift last Xmas of PauleatsPerth
I have a question. My husband wants to go to a new restaurant in Perth for his birthday next month and I can't find it anywhere - wondering if you may be able to help.
It is M & M's or M'nM????????? Do you know of it? Is it good?
Thank you
Regards, Beth Klenner
Beth, the restaurant which you seek is called “Eminem,” which has nothing to do with the rapper. It’s Turkish, and the chef there won a “best new talent” award this year.
I am feeling nostalgic, and sad that 2007 is almost upon us, but there will be no PaulEats Perth 2007 edition. Putting that book together, especially the index, was incredibly tedious, grueling even, not unlike creating an Old English glossary. But at the end of that tedious grueling task, I had a book. When I get done with this, I’m not sure what I’ll have…but it won’t be a book.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Potato
Four chapters down, one to go...had to take a hiatus the other day to have a ridiculous fight with my little brother that left me drained. Had a nice dinner for my birthday, better for friends, but hard to shake the sads.
Yesterday afternoon was cold and it wasn't bad to curl up on the couch, even if it was with the Anglo-Saxons. This morning I'm back for more. Can I get deep vein thrombosis from sitting on the couch too long?
Thursday, December 07, 2006
What I'm Reading Right Now
The Anglo-Saxons. It's excellent. Even if I didn't have a final exam that covered the second half of the book, I would probably be reading it for pleasure.
But before you run out and buy your loved one a copy for Christmas, talk to me, I might be able to find you a copy, cheap.
Also in the news...I still have my final performance for dance class tomorrow. I still am not enthusiastic, but it turns out that even though this is an undergraduate course having nothing to do with a graduate degree in Writing, the grade will still accrue to my GPA with the same weight as this Old English class I've been discussing all semester. So if they say "dance," I'll dance.
There may even be some documentary footage. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It's a real question...
Why does my friend Katie, who has a fair amount of social anxiety still have a life so much more adventurous than mine?
It could be that I have (undiagnosed) social anxiety too, and that’s why I sit at my desk in my flannel cowboy pajamas night after night instead of going out.
Or, possibly I can just blame the whole thing on my Old English professor.
It could be that I have (undiagnosed) social anxiety too, and that’s why I sit at my desk in my flannel cowboy pajamas night after night instead of going out.
Or, possibly I can just blame the whole thing on my Old English professor.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
On a More Positive Note
I feel like my last couple posts of late have been somewhat negative. I’m okay with that. In fact, I intend to continue in the same vein until mid-December, so be sure to stay tuned!
But before we embark on two more weeks of hilarity, I would like to riff on the topic of gratitude. Even as I whine and complain about my workload and teachers, there are few things that even though I don’t necessarily put to paper (or screen), I do keep in mind…
I AM THANKFUL FOR:
My health. Part of the reason I am a bit touchy of late, is that I am traveling through the anniversary of my cancer diagnoses and surgery. In fact about right now, four years ago, I would be discussing my options and flying to the Cancer Center in Melbourne. This Tuesday I would be rolling into surgery. Thursday I would be writhing in pain post op, and Friday I would be celebrating my birthday by getting some of my catheters pulled out. But I’m not doing that. I am pursuing my studies in comfort. I can get up and walk around. I can go to friends’ houses for dinner. I complain about suffering over Old English, but I am not in pain. I may complain (in the future) about dance rehearsals, but I can dance! These are major things, and I am grateful for them.
My friends. Who are so entertaining, and encouraging, and thoughtful, and tolerant of me even when I am mired in crabdom. I have a community and I feel loved.
The Shambala Center. I have been lucky in recent years to find myself in places with small, down to earth Buddhist communities. I don’t go often, but every time I do (and I did this afternoon), I am warmly welcomed and accepted, and my time there always helps me center myself, and think of things from a larger perspective.
The weather. Which has been beautiful all week. Not too cold, with good fresh air, and sunshine. It is a pleasure every time I walk outside, even if it is just to class or to the bus.
New shoes. They’re Rocket Dogs, and they are olive green and brown which are two of my favorite colors to wear. And they are really cute. And comfortable. Every time I think of them it makes me happy.
Paul. (Gee, maybe I should have put him before shoes, not that these are in order.) But we are getting along very well lately, and even though we are both very busy, he has made some uncharacteristically chivalrous gestures lately, like the other night, he actually helped me with my jacket, and yesterday, he spontaneously rubbed my neck.
Free tickets and places to stay. I have a great credit card for air miles toward plane travel. It is so good that Citibank doesn’t offer it anymore, but they still honor it for people who have it. Thus I have a free ticket to L.A. to see my family/friends over the holidays. And my brother has lined up a house-sit, so that I will have my own apartment (with cat!) while I am there.
So, underlying all,
My deep gratitude.
We will now return to our regular programming.
But before we embark on two more weeks of hilarity, I would like to riff on the topic of gratitude. Even as I whine and complain about my workload and teachers, there are few things that even though I don’t necessarily put to paper (or screen), I do keep in mind…
I AM THANKFUL FOR:
My health. Part of the reason I am a bit touchy of late, is that I am traveling through the anniversary of my cancer diagnoses and surgery. In fact about right now, four years ago, I would be discussing my options and flying to the Cancer Center in Melbourne. This Tuesday I would be rolling into surgery. Thursday I would be writhing in pain post op, and Friday I would be celebrating my birthday by getting some of my catheters pulled out. But I’m not doing that. I am pursuing my studies in comfort. I can get up and walk around. I can go to friends’ houses for dinner. I complain about suffering over Old English, but I am not in pain. I may complain (in the future) about dance rehearsals, but I can dance! These are major things, and I am grateful for them.
My friends. Who are so entertaining, and encouraging, and thoughtful, and tolerant of me even when I am mired in crabdom. I have a community and I feel loved.
The Shambala Center. I have been lucky in recent years to find myself in places with small, down to earth Buddhist communities. I don’t go often, but every time I do (and I did this afternoon), I am warmly welcomed and accepted, and my time there always helps me center myself, and think of things from a larger perspective.
The weather. Which has been beautiful all week. Not too cold, with good fresh air, and sunshine. It is a pleasure every time I walk outside, even if it is just to class or to the bus.
New shoes. They’re Rocket Dogs, and they are olive green and brown which are two of my favorite colors to wear. And they are really cute. And comfortable. Every time I think of them it makes me happy.
Paul. (Gee, maybe I should have put him before shoes, not that these are in order.) But we are getting along very well lately, and even though we are both very busy, he has made some uncharacteristically chivalrous gestures lately, like the other night, he actually helped me with my jacket, and yesterday, he spontaneously rubbed my neck.
Free tickets and places to stay. I have a great credit card for air miles toward plane travel. It is so good that Citibank doesn’t offer it anymore, but they still honor it for people who have it. Thus I have a free ticket to L.A. to see my family/friends over the holidays. And my brother has lined up a house-sit, so that I will have my own apartment (with cat!) while I am there.
So, underlying all,
My deep gratitude.
We will now return to our regular programming.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Trying Really Hard To Still Like My Old English Professor
Okay, truthfully I’m not trying that hard…I need my angst and pissed-offness to fuel my endeavors for the next two weeks.
Here’s the thing, this professor seems like a happy person, and he’s is passionate about his area. I tend to be drawn to such people, as friends or teachers. It’s fun to hang out with people who are happy and like what they do. But now I’m starting to put him in another category, the category of people who don’t really respect your life, but manage use their pleasant demeanor to distract from that.
Consider that guy from Office Space, who would say things like “Yeeeah…I’ll need you to come in on Saturday.” Although we dislike that character for giving our protagonist busy work during what should be his personal time, that’s not the first reason. The reason we dislike him immediately is that he’s really annoying.
What’s more difficult is the person who is not annoying, who is in fact, nice. Then it takes more time to realize how cavalier that person is about infringing on one’s time in a way that is –thoughtless and not premeditated, I’m sure—but essentially a “fuck you” to one’s other major professors, and to the student—in terms of sleep, health, relationships, other academics, and teaching responsibilities, if one wants to perform well in the class.
In cases such as this, the emerging dislike is more of a slow burn…and in the case of this teacher I'm sure will disappear as soon as I turn in my final project for the class.
Maybe.
Here’s the thing, this professor seems like a happy person, and he’s is passionate about his area. I tend to be drawn to such people, as friends or teachers. It’s fun to hang out with people who are happy and like what they do. But now I’m starting to put him in another category, the category of people who don’t really respect your life, but manage use their pleasant demeanor to distract from that.
Consider that guy from Office Space, who would say things like “Yeeeah…I’ll need you to come in on Saturday.” Although we dislike that character for giving our protagonist busy work during what should be his personal time, that’s not the first reason. The reason we dislike him immediately is that he’s really annoying.
What’s more difficult is the person who is not annoying, who is in fact, nice. Then it takes more time to realize how cavalier that person is about infringing on one’s time in a way that is –thoughtless and not premeditated, I’m sure—but essentially a “fuck you” to one’s other major professors, and to the student—in terms of sleep, health, relationships, other academics, and teaching responsibilities, if one wants to perform well in the class.
In cases such as this, the emerging dislike is more of a slow burn…and in the case of this teacher I'm sure will disappear as soon as I turn in my final project for the class.
Maybe.
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