This week’s synchronized blog topic, suggested by Mya, is “Fear.” For other thoughts on the subject, check out, Susie, Katie and …and if you would like to write about this topic, send a comment, and I’ll mention you in a post!
My eighth grade biology teacher once told us that if you are scared of being bitten by a snake, the best cure is to get bitten by a snake. That wouldn't work with a Black Mamba, but I think his point was that in our part of the country, if you got bit by the common variety garden snake, the reality would be less painful than the imagined experience.
I have (and do) entertained a lot of fears in my life that were purely imagined scenarios, and some that were pretty real. Often, I think that fear as a catalyst for action can be an excellent thing—fear of pain, I’m sure has contributed to the survival of our species. I’ve also noted that that when my fear diminishes my performance quality of certain tasks does as well.
This week, in this post and others, I’ll be introducing a few of my fears, past and present, and their resultant behavior changes, if any.
1) Back in the 90’s, when I had 20/600 vision, and couldn’t see a clock on the wall, much less its hands, I used to fear that one day I would be on a ship like the Titanic. If it sank, I figured I would use Jack and Rose’s plan to climb to the highest point and jump off at the last minute before it went under. After it was explained to me that some people believe that such a big displacement of water would actually cause a vacuum, or a huge “suck” that would probably take surrounding people and objects down with it, I began to fear that even if I could kick my way back up to the surface that the suck would suck my contact lenses right out of my eyes, and I wouldn't be able to see shit, especially essential shit like pieces of floaty wood, helpful people, or life preservers.
Related to this fear, I also feared that there would be an earthquake (I lived in L.A.) that would send my glasses flying from the nightstand, and in all the trembling clutter I would be unable to find them. I would go running outside as I had been told to do, but unable to see where I was going, would end up in the street where I would be hit by a rolling car.
I also had a kidnapping scenario. But it was probably too dark for this blog.
Result: In 1996 I had Lasik, and it is soooo cool. I can wake up in the morning and see things. I believe it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. Some people are scared of Lasik, and I wasn’t crazy about the notion, but I also hated being blind and vulnerable. So the greater fear won out...to my benefit.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Like Frankenstein
So this morning I thought I'd take a few minutes to add a couple new links (see sidebar). However, in the process, I think I accidentally erased a chunk of code at the top of my page...so that when I published, the page was naked code, with no formatting, really yucky. My HTML is really really scanty, so I spent the next hour and a half looking for blogs that seem similar to mine and then looking at their source code to see if I could figure out what was missing. Finally I just copied a big chunk from someone else's and pasted it in. Voila! my page is back, albeit with a few changes to the color scheme that I might not have chosen...but no way am I messing with it now. And underneath the skin, to someone who knows what they are seeing, does my page code just look all crappily cobbled together...like Frankenstein?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
On My List of Things To Do: Memes n Ghosts
I have now been tagged twice for a meme that asks me to post 5 things that people probably don’t know about me. Once by my friend Sandra and the other by my friend Matt, who has the Zotblog…but who also has this blog where he actually posted his five things. One is that when he was twelve years old, he went trekking in Nepal. My five things will not be so exciting.
1) Most people who have met me after the age of ten don’t know that my childhood career goal was to be a librarian.
2) Most people I have met since leaving Los Angeles don’t know that I still own a second floor condominium apartment there.
3) No one that I haven’t talked to today knows that yesterday, the tenant flushed the toilet, and it flooded the bathroom. The water apparently flowed into the walls and ceiling of the unit below, dripping onto the floor and through to the underground parking structure. The moisture allegedly cause a chunk of plaster from the ceiling to fall onto a parked car…Conversely everyone that I did happen to talk to today knows a little more about it than they probably want to.
4) Few people know that I, along with Katie, Susie, Mya, and Sandra have agreed to try to do a themed post each week. For instance, this week it was Katie’s turn. She nominated the topic of “ghosts,” and now each of us has to write a post that includes the subject of ghosts. As a corollary to this, it’s possible that only a few people have guessed that I just used this factoid that referring to ghosts as this week’s post. Pretty lame, huh?
5) A few people know that I still sleep with a stuffed velvet bunny that has a seam down its belly. Other people know that because I had a cancer removed a few years ago, I also have a large seam down the middle of my belly. I bet no one has considered that when I lay the bunny on top of my stomach, our seams line up.
1) Most people who have met me after the age of ten don’t know that my childhood career goal was to be a librarian.
2) Most people I have met since leaving Los Angeles don’t know that I still own a second floor condominium apartment there.
3) No one that I haven’t talked to today knows that yesterday, the tenant flushed the toilet, and it flooded the bathroom. The water apparently flowed into the walls and ceiling of the unit below, dripping onto the floor and through to the underground parking structure. The moisture allegedly cause a chunk of plaster from the ceiling to fall onto a parked car…Conversely everyone that I did happen to talk to today knows a little more about it than they probably want to.
4) Few people know that I, along with Katie, Susie, Mya, and Sandra have agreed to try to do a themed post each week. For instance, this week it was Katie’s turn. She nominated the topic of “ghosts,” and now each of us has to write a post that includes the subject of ghosts. As a corollary to this, it’s possible that only a few people have guessed that I just used this factoid that referring to ghosts as this week’s post. Pretty lame, huh?
5) A few people know that I still sleep with a stuffed velvet bunny that has a seam down its belly. Other people know that because I had a cancer removed a few years ago, I also have a large seam down the middle of my belly. I bet no one has considered that when I lay the bunny on top of my stomach, our seams line up.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Help a Filmmaker’s Dream Come True!
THE FILM
As some of you know Paul was recently named one of ten finalists for the Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker Awards. Yesterday the ten finalist’s films were posted on-line at ccrfa.com. Check out his 50 second piece, entitled, “The Working Girl.”
THE DREAM
Paul’s dream (which he keeps telling me about) is to fly to California and take his mother, who knows nothing about the contest, to the movies, so that he can watch the expression on her face when she sees her son on the big-screen, introducing his work with the line, “My name is Paul Seetachitt, and I’m this year’s refreshing filmmaker.”
HOW YOU CAN HELP MAKE THE DREAM COME TRUE: VOTE!
This year’s contest has an online voting component that will help determine the winner. Please consider taking a few moments to add your vote. It’s easy to vote from the website using the supplied point system—I would never try to sway anyone’s artistic opinion, but I will just reiterate, that Paul’s entry is entitled, “The Working Girl.”
GRATITUDE
Lots and lots. We really appreciate your time and support. (Especially me, because it's so depressing to see Paul cry.)
As some of you know Paul was recently named one of ten finalists for the Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker Awards. Yesterday the ten finalist’s films were posted on-line at ccrfa.com. Check out his 50 second piece, entitled, “The Working Girl.”
THE DREAM
Paul’s dream (which he keeps telling me about) is to fly to California and take his mother, who knows nothing about the contest, to the movies, so that he can watch the expression on her face when she sees her son on the big-screen, introducing his work with the line, “My name is Paul Seetachitt, and I’m this year’s refreshing filmmaker.”
HOW YOU CAN HELP MAKE THE DREAM COME TRUE: VOTE!
This year’s contest has an online voting component that will help determine the winner. Please consider taking a few moments to add your vote. It’s easy to vote from the website using the supplied point system—I would never try to sway anyone’s artistic opinion, but I will just reiterate, that Paul’s entry is entitled, “The Working Girl.”
GRATITUDE
Lots and lots. We really appreciate your time and support. (Especially me, because it's so depressing to see Paul cry.)
Monday, January 22, 2007
Happy Card Day
It happens every couple years that I decide yes, I will do Christmas cards, but I don't alway get all the way through the task. Fortunately, Valentines Day and St Paddy's are both completely legitimate card sending holidays, even if the letter is dated somewhere in late December. Which is why this weekend, while shopping at the evil yet irresistable Wal-mart, I spent some time in the Valentine's Day card aisle.
I found that (like many things) valentines have changed since I was in elementary school. The cards of my memory had generic cartoons and sayings that ranged from "You're ggrrreat," (with a picture of a tiger) to "I luv you!" (weird looking cave-girl with extremely big toes). You would have to sort through and try to send the least embarrassing card to the boy you actually liked, and the cool ones to the girls you wanted to be friends with, and I'm ashamed to say that the least popular kid in class ended up with lots of cave-girls.
These days, all the cards seem to be cross-branded or have a special component. Walking down the special seasonal aisle, I had my choice of 3-D valentines, butterfly tattoo valentines, foil Harley-Davidson valentines (with pictures of motorcyles), Dora the Explorer (a TV character, dolls and fashion accessories available), Bratz (a line of dolls, I don't know if they yet have a TV series) Childrens Inspirational (A bible verse in each valentine), Superman (the movie of course, not the comic), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (wow, they've managed to stay alive), Sponge Bob Squarepants (TV cartoon), and Disney Pixar (featuring characters from Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo etc)
But have times really changed? Or do the neurotic kids still divide their Harleys in order of coolness. Is Nemo the fish better than Woody the cowboy?
For me it was a hard call, but in the end I had to go with the butterfly tattoos. I'm not a huge fan of butterflies, but I was always excited by the tattoos you could apply with water. And because I'm now old and mature, I resolve not to spend too much time contemplating who would like a pink card with a yellow tattoo, and who would prefer pale blue.
These days, all the cards seem to be cross-branded or have a special component. Walking down the special seasonal aisle, I had my choice of 3-D valentines, butterfly tattoo valentines, foil Harley-Davidson valentines (with pictures of motorcyles), Dora the Explorer (a TV character, dolls and fashion accessories available), Bratz (a line of dolls, I don't know if they yet have a TV series) Childrens Inspirational (A bible verse in each valentine), Superman (the movie of course, not the comic), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (wow, they've managed to stay alive), Sponge Bob Squarepants (TV cartoon), and Disney Pixar (featuring characters from Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo etc)
But have times really changed? Or do the neurotic kids still divide their Harleys in order of coolness. Is Nemo the fish better than Woody the cowboy?
For me it was a hard call, but in the end I had to go with the butterfly tattoos. I'm not a huge fan of butterflies, but I was always excited by the tattoos you could apply with water. And because I'm now old and mature, I resolve not to spend too much time contemplating who would like a pink card with a yellow tattoo, and who would prefer pale blue.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Damnit
Damnit Damnit fucking damnit.
I think today was the last day to pay tuition and fees. Not that the university ever warns you in anyway. you'd think with all the propaganda they send, they might, until you think of how much money they make by charging the $100 late fee.
So I hate the university, which charges me late fees, and even for my 7pm classes has no parking available around that building.
I hate Paul because everytime we have a fight in the morning, I forget something on that day's to do list, and usually by the time we're done, whatever it is we were fighting about, usually cleaning or doing tasks that will prevent us from losing money, doesn't get done anyway, so it seems pointless to bother.
I don't hate me of course, because it has nothing to do with my own utter disorganization and distractibility.
I think today was the last day to pay tuition and fees. Not that the university ever warns you in anyway. you'd think with all the propaganda they send, they might, until you think of how much money they make by charging the $100 late fee.
So I hate the university, which charges me late fees, and even for my 7pm classes has no parking available around that building.
I hate Paul because everytime we have a fight in the morning, I forget something on that day's to do list, and usually by the time we're done, whatever it is we were fighting about, usually cleaning or doing tasks that will prevent us from losing money, doesn't get done anyway, so it seems pointless to bother.
I don't hate me of course, because it has nothing to do with my own utter disorganization and distractibility.
I Love My Classes
(Admittedly, I always do at the beginning of a semester.)
My Screenwriting workshop, my non-fiction writing workshop, my fiction-writing workshop, and my grantwriting workshop are all excellent.
So far there is just one problem: Two of these classes, the fiction and the non-fiction workshops, meet on the same night at the same time.
Because of of instructor conflicts and holidays, the classes began on alternate weeks and I have been able to attend the first session of both classes…but now the jig is up. On Monday I need to pick one, because I can’t be in two places at once.
Oh why can’t quantum mechanics keep up with my desires?
My Screenwriting workshop, my non-fiction writing workshop, my fiction-writing workshop, and my grantwriting workshop are all excellent.
So far there is just one problem: Two of these classes, the fiction and the non-fiction workshops, meet on the same night at the same time.
Because of of instructor conflicts and holidays, the classes began on alternate weeks and I have been able to attend the first session of both classes…but now the jig is up. On Monday I need to pick one, because I can’t be in two places at once.
Oh why can’t quantum mechanics keep up with my desires?
Monday, January 15, 2007
Almost Famous
http://www.filminflorida.com/
An action shot of Paul at the Florida Film Commission website...(by action, I mean sitting at the desk...you can't tell so much, but he's directing the actress.)
An action shot of Paul at the Florida Film Commission website...(by action, I mean sitting at the desk...you can't tell so much, but he's directing the actress.)
Sunday, January 14, 2007
The Dawn of A New Fitness Day
Yesterday we bought an elliptical trainer that was on sale at Kmart. Today we assembled it. I’m very excited because I think I will work out more. Is getting on an elliptical so much easier than unrolling the yoga mat? No, but with the elliptical I can bribe myself with the prospect of watching TV.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Out of Africa
For my new project of figuring out how and where to find money for Paul’s upcoming film I’ve been investigating classes at FSU. Last night I went to one called "Fundraising and Development" taught through the Public Administration Department. It was pretty interesting. One thing the instructor said that really caught my attention was this:
Each morning in Africa a gazelle awakes.
It knows that it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be eaten.
Each morning in Africa a lion awakes.
It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
It matters not whether you are a lion or a gazelle,
When the sun comes up, you’d better be running.
That seemed like a pretty interesting concept, although I couldn’t apply it in any kind of direct way to what she was saying about fundraising.
When Paul came home, I started to tell him, but he stopped me in mid-sentence.
“I know that one,” he said, “It was on one of the inspirational corporate posters for sale in the in-flight catalogues on the airplane.”
Damn. You think you’ve been given an original profound thought, and it turns out just to be ‘Footprints” for marketing staff.
Each morning in Africa a gazelle awakes.
It knows that it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be eaten.
Each morning in Africa a lion awakes.
It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
It matters not whether you are a lion or a gazelle,
When the sun comes up, you’d better be running.
That seemed like a pretty interesting concept, although I couldn’t apply it in any kind of direct way to what she was saying about fundraising.
When Paul came home, I started to tell him, but he stopped me in mid-sentence.
“I know that one,” he said, “It was on one of the inspirational corporate posters for sale in the in-flight catalogues on the airplane.”
Damn. You think you’ve been given an original profound thought, and it turns out just to be ‘Footprints” for marketing staff.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Two Oddly Inspiring Things from L.A.
Returning to L.A. for visits can be intimidating, especially as we grow closer to moving back for an extended period of time. The traffic is only getting worse, yoga classes that I used to think were a luxury at $12 each are now $17, and one day I popped in for a 15 minute appointment in Westwood, and parked in the adjacent garage as they had suggested. When I saw that the charges were $2 for every fifteen minutes or portion thereof. I wanted to retreat, but another car wanting to enter was already nosing my back bumper to I entered. Of course when I got to the office they were running behind, so just over an hour later, when I drove out of the lot, I paid $10.
BUT, at the same time, there is a kind of energy that is different in a bigger city, and something about that energy, combined with seeing people and things I don’t normally see can give me ideas and inspire me to attempt things that (a) are exciting, and (b) that I may live to regret later, but (c) are still exciting. An example would be how traveling to Perth made me want to make a restaurant guide. Examples from this trip to L.A. are:
1) My friend Amy gave me the first three Shopaholics books as a Christmas present. This was my first taste of “Chick Lit” for awhile, and though I found this particular heroine at times irksome, I was compelled by how the story moved and kept me reading, and basically thought, I want to try this! I calculated that if I wrote 500 words a day for six months, that would be a first draft of a full length novel. I fell off the wagon on day four, however, coincidentally the first day of classes…oh, right, school…I might have to rethink my timeline a little.
2) Two of our friends, (both named Eric) talked about film projects that they are working to independently finance with some success. As one of them said, when it comes to money, you have to learn who and how to ask. As I was driving Paul to the airport at six am on New Year’s Ever, it came to me…What is a thesis film anyway, but $30, 000 and some free advice? I’m sure if we had the money, they would still have the advice (after all, its not really free so much as pre-paid for with tuition). I bet there are grants or investors out there for this kind of project. So I told Paul I wanted to raise the money for his film. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing of course, but I’m sure I’m going to figure it out!
BUT, at the same time, there is a kind of energy that is different in a bigger city, and something about that energy, combined with seeing people and things I don’t normally see can give me ideas and inspire me to attempt things that (a) are exciting, and (b) that I may live to regret later, but (c) are still exciting. An example would be how traveling to Perth made me want to make a restaurant guide. Examples from this trip to L.A. are:
1) My friend Amy gave me the first three Shopaholics books as a Christmas present. This was my first taste of “Chick Lit” for awhile, and though I found this particular heroine at times irksome, I was compelled by how the story moved and kept me reading, and basically thought, I want to try this! I calculated that if I wrote 500 words a day for six months, that would be a first draft of a full length novel. I fell off the wagon on day four, however, coincidentally the first day of classes…oh, right, school…I might have to rethink my timeline a little.
2) Two of our friends, (both named Eric) talked about film projects that they are working to independently finance with some success. As one of them said, when it comes to money, you have to learn who and how to ask. As I was driving Paul to the airport at six am on New Year’s Ever, it came to me…What is a thesis film anyway, but $30, 000 and some free advice? I’m sure if we had the money, they would still have the advice (after all, its not really free so much as pre-paid for with tuition). I bet there are grants or investors out there for this kind of project. So I told Paul I wanted to raise the money for his film. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing of course, but I’m sure I’m going to figure it out!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I WANT A MUTANT POWER TOO
Warning: Following paragraph contains some graphic descriptions.
1) At a New Years Eve party I met this guy who got exploded on. He was fixing a tractor mower or something in a garage, and it blew up. He had third degree burns on the left side of his body that was exposed—arm, neck, face. (And maybe a leg) He went inside and dove into a bucket of icy water while his friends called an ambulance. When he got to the hospital they said they would have to do skin grafts, but since it was a holiday weekend, they couldn’t get a doctor to do it until Tuesday. When the doctors came in to see him on Tuesday, they said, “We don’t know how, but your body is healing, we don’t need to graft.” They told him though, that his ear was so traumatized it would probably FALL OFF. He went home, and for weeks, each day he had to scrape gooey skin from his body, which could take hours.
But when I saw him at the party. You couldn’t tell it had every happened! The light was not really bright, but I could only barely see a couple of whitish scars that might have been cooking burns. (And both ears looked fine.)
He said, “They told me I’m in the top one percent of healers in the world.”
“Wow, like Wolverine?” I asked.
“I guess so.”
Shit, that’s so weird and cool. I didn’t think to ask him at the moment, and maybe it wasn’t really appropriate party conversation, but I wonder what those first three days were like, before the doctors came in. You’d be (or I would be) miserable, in pain, probably drugged up but still freaked out about skin grafts and deformity. But then you live through it, and get a little bit of good news, and then you live through more stuff, and then you’re all okay again, drinking champagne with your friends at a nice house, with your wife there and your kids asleep in the back room. Life is really amazing.
1) At a New Years Eve party I met this guy who got exploded on. He was fixing a tractor mower or something in a garage, and it blew up. He had third degree burns on the left side of his body that was exposed—arm, neck, face. (And maybe a leg) He went inside and dove into a bucket of icy water while his friends called an ambulance. When he got to the hospital they said they would have to do skin grafts, but since it was a holiday weekend, they couldn’t get a doctor to do it until Tuesday. When the doctors came in to see him on Tuesday, they said, “We don’t know how, but your body is healing, we don’t need to graft.” They told him though, that his ear was so traumatized it would probably FALL OFF. He went home, and for weeks, each day he had to scrape gooey skin from his body, which could take hours.
But when I saw him at the party. You couldn’t tell it had every happened! The light was not really bright, but I could only barely see a couple of whitish scars that might have been cooking burns. (And both ears looked fine.)
He said, “They told me I’m in the top one percent of healers in the world.”
“Wow, like Wolverine?” I asked.
“I guess so.”
Shit, that’s so weird and cool. I didn’t think to ask him at the moment, and maybe it wasn’t really appropriate party conversation, but I wonder what those first three days were like, before the doctors came in. You’d be (or I would be) miserable, in pain, probably drugged up but still freaked out about skin grafts and deformity. But then you live through it, and get a little bit of good news, and then you live through more stuff, and then you’re all okay again, drinking champagne with your friends at a nice house, with your wife there and your kids asleep in the back room. Life is really amazing.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Morning Glory
One of my New Year’s Guidelines is to, just as experiment, attempt to be a morning person. Everyone, from my acupuncturist, to massage therapist, to my writing professor, to Tony Robbins says that is vastly superior to my current sleeping habits. So I am going to try to go to bed each night between 11pm and midnight. So far, I am not doing so well, as on December 31st, I obviously couldn’t leave the gathering til after midnight, and the next day was my last day to see my friend Amy in Pasadena, and didn’t get to sleep until 2am, and the next night I flew home on the red eye, so I never really slept at all. But now I am really starting a new era in my life. (If you see entries on this blog that say 2:30am, feel free to berate me.)
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