Postage rates

I've just heard that postage rates will go up again on May 12, from 41 to 42 cents. Most of my submissions to literary journal require a self-addressed, stamped envelope (SASE) for them to send me my rejection letter. I have of late been affixing all my old 37 and 39 cent stamps, with the addition of the appropriate number of 2 cent stamps. It occurs to me now, that with the 3-6 month turn-around that many of these journals have, by the time they send me my SASE, it will be 1 cent short. I'm now switching to "Forever" stamps.

1) good / 2) bad

1) Last night I went to get Chinese food with Paul and his friend. I always have food left over when I eat there, and get a to away container. This time I took my own container. When the waiter/owner asked if he could put it in a box for me, I felt a little awkward pulling out my container, but his face lit up.

"Oh! Very good! You care about the environment!" he said, and then talked about how he takes a zip-loc bag of detergent when he goes to the laundromat instead of buying small containers. He was genuinely pleased, so I felt good about that...I imagine at some point I'll hear that it's against a health code or restaurant policy or something, but not at this restaurant.

2) Tonight I went to the Warehouse a little late. As soon as I pulled in, a panhandler stationed himself outside my car door, pointing at his ears to show he couldn't hear. When I opened the door he showed me a note saying he needed three dollars for the bus. I gave him two, because I had it, but I didn't think he was deaf, or that he was going to catch the bus. Maybe he was deaf, but when I left an hour and a half later, he was going into the bar, so I know he didn't take a bus. These kind of interactions, leave me feeling crappy. Someone lies to me and asks me for money. i know they are lying, but I give them money so I don't feel cheap and mean, but that's just about me--its not coming from any place good, and that's what the person is preying on. And I don't trust that they're asking for it for anything good...it's just both of us displaying human nature--not at its worst or anything--just at its most meaningless and mediocre.

Disheartened

Today was the day when winners from the Keen Footwear competition were notified. Normally I do not wait with bated breath for such announcements, but in this case there was a little part of me that hoped for an email or a call--not because it was my best writing, far from it, but (to put it bluntly) I didn't see very many entries that were essays, and those seemed to be about eco-tourism etc--not bad, but not anything new or that people haven't heard about. Dynamic ride-sharing needs exposure if it has any chance to grow legs. I truly believe it's one of those things that could make the world better and LA more bearable. I will still try pitch my idea to LA Weekly and other publications when I get there, because I believe in it, but knowing it is destined to be an uphill battle, I wanted a morale booster, like a sign from above that I should continue.

I guess that's what we all want though, isn't it?

Instead I got a rejection from Florida Review and a parking ticket.

But, I also finally ate at the International Center for lunch, so found a source or good, cheap, Indian food, and I didn't wreck my car or suddenly feel any symptoms that could be cancer...so I guess in the overall scheme of things, I'm doing okay.

Cookie Monster

I purchased two boxes of Girl Scout cookies from a professor at school who was selling them on behalf of his daughter. Now I want to eat them, and am, occasionally, doing so. The only problem with this is that they contain partially hydrogenated oils--banned in several countries because they are unhealthy. In general, I avoid buying anything that contains them and this is usually no problem. But my will is weakened by the Girl Scout branding...these cookies couldn't hurt me--they're made by Girl Scouts!

Dolphins are Cool

Because they do things like this.

What have I been up to? Writing and not writing.

Spring break has come to an end far too fast. My writing is coming along far too slowly...

I struggle with keeping balance. I have progressed beyond guilt, I think, but I am very aware of the time that I spend not writing. There is something to be said for the occasional life experience. Paul said to me the other day (knowing that on the two previous days I had only left the house once to walk around the block ), "maybe you should go to the mall or someplace with people...just to remind yourself what you're writing about."

But the truth is, I need no reminding. Even when I feel I'm on a social diet, I rarely pass more than a few days without seeing someone. I could probably have material to write for years without adding any new life experiences. I wouldn't though--because a life experience is about valuing and taking full advantage of life, not about gathering material...on the other hand, if I don't leave myself time (as I often don't) to at least make notes about those experience--I forget everything.

I received FOUR job offers last weekend to do private editing/tutoring for ESL grad students with upcoming projects. I feel I don't help people as much as I could, in terms of volunteering at soup kitchens etc., and I feel like this kind of work does help, and I enjoy it because I get to learn about diverse topics I wouldn't otherwise, and I could probably use the money...but the fact is that these same jobs are very time consuming, and a bit draining...the exact reason I am not teaching this semester. I turned down three but took one because I had already worked with the student.

I really need to EXERCISE. It is very important for my health as a cancer survivor, many studies have shown (I believe it's very important for anyone) and yet I am again tempted to write through the hours it seems to take each time I do. This in particular I have to fight--the temptation to spend all my time in this mental pursuit and give short shrift to my body. I know it's no way to pace myself, and in the end I will write more and better if I eat well and feel good and take time to make myself NOT THINK.

To that end, even though I never called people I promised to this week, and I never made the road trip to St. George's Island that sounds good when you talk about it, I did once go to Tom Brown Park and walk on trails I had never done. I did go to the gym one day (although in three years I have still not tried the sauna, steam room or whirlpools that get rave reviews), and last night I went to class at Journey's in Yoga, which has been on my list of things to do since it opened. I have also been on two nice walks with my friend Sandra, who lives nearby.

And, although this isn't exercise-related, since I'm listing non-writing activities, I saw The Kite Runner, and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, and I talked with my parents on the phone, which is kind of like an activity in itself. I have also sold a couple of books online, and need to post my new life for sale item--a super-8 camera. But I opened it up yesterday and tried to remove the batteries that are stacked lengthwise in the handle, but they seem to be corroded into place. Perhaps I shouldn't have left them in there for ten years...

Abcderia

I'm going through an old journal right now trying to jog my memory for some of the 'cancer' essays that I'm writing. Something that I had kind of forgotten was how, even before I came to school to be a writer, I was really wishing in that direction, and was often doing these little exercises from various books...I found this one, apparently written in November of 2003--the weekend before I was diagnosed. It's a brainstorm where you have to begin each line with the next letter of the alphabet. (On the same page was a paragraph I had written without using the letter "e.")

In Key West a couple of months ago, I think a poet called one of her poems that did this an "abcderia." I don't know that this is a poem, but why not? I'm amazed at how many of the images I have used in the last couple years in other work--themes of invisibility and forgotteness are all over my screen play, and the metaphor of trying to U-turn in your life and being unable to is in the opening paragraph of an essay I wrote last term. I also begin with the idea of gender roles and a sense of inequality, which come out all over the place in my work. Maybe we do just keep wrestling with the same stories, over and over again.

Alpha dogs lead the pack.
Boys are that way too.
Can’t hardly see me, in such a hurry to get to the front.
Different from all that I am,
Ever the invisible.
Forgotten might be a better word, but it works out the same.
Great for me, actually.
Hard at first to be overlooked, but it has it’s advantages.
I never get beat up, for example.
Justice of a sort.
Kickball is a bummer of course—I never get picked.
Left behind, invisible, forgotten—are these synonyms?
My thesaurus doesn’t list them together.
Neither does my mom.
“Oh honey,” she says,
“No one’s forgotten you!”
Parent-teacher conferences were yesterday, she hasn’t remembered yet that she forgot.
Quick-quick to the attic—
Racing again—that’s the littlest two, who’ll never get left behind.
“Save yourselves!” I want to tell them.
Truly, they don’t need saving—they’re on the right track.
U-turn—that’s what it would take for me.
Very unlikely on a road this narrow.
Whatever. I’m fine down here in the basement—away from that rat-race up there.
X-rays of the house would reveal my bones here—Superman could see me
Yonder, wander me, under the lighting tree.
Zapped—by lightning…or heat-ray vision.

Irons in the Fire Updates

Well, I got into the Masters of Professional Writing (MPW) program at USC for fall, which makes me happy. I'm not absolutely sure it's my next step, but I like to know that it could be. I need to investigate the availability of T.A. positions. If I get one, it would be a lot like life here, where I get paid for teaching a couple of classes and my tuition is waived. The program is multi-genre and taught by professional writers in the L.A. area, I met a woman at AWP named Dinah Lenney who just started teaching there. She spoke pretty highly of the program, and she just seemed nice and honest and energetic during the panel--like someone I would really like to work with--and that's the point I think I'm at--figure out a way to keep working at my writing, and hopefully find a good community to do that in.

A few people have asked, and I realized I never announced, Paul, sadly, was not this years Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker. That's all we know until Show West later in March, when they will announce the winning film. Although disappointed, he wasn't disgruntled as there were two or three really excellent films on the site worthy of the win.

I, at least, am a bit more disgruntled with another competition he's entered in, called the First Cut Film Series. Five winners are awarded a one million dollar budget and mentorship for their independent film. Paul had the flu the week the first round materials were due, so suffered to complete them. I was still proof-reading at 11:58 pm on the night of Feb. 15, and he got it in right at midnight. First round winners were supposed to have been announced last Friday, but the announcements have been delayed. It might have something to do with the fact that students from certain schools were given an extended deadline--someone we know saw an announcement on a USC website, then called and verified this was the case. I'm sure the extension was given with the best of intentions on the part of the sponsors, to get the strongest set of entries possible...but for those who paid the $50 entry fee and felt short on time to prepare, you can see how it might be a little irksome. And of course it changes the odds. Paul looked at the First Cut site and saw that there have been 160 additional entries since he submitted his--and since we know we were right at the bitter end, one has to assume these entries are the product of entrants given the extra time. It seems like it would have been better to contact applicants and let them know and offer them time to revisit their materials--my guess would be that the largest portion would not have bothered, and if anything, submitted another project.

The second round of materials--which includes a full length screenplay, comes around in about a month...I'm hoping that since the notifications are running late, that this deadline gets extended for finalists as well.

Life for Sale Items #2 and #3: Weird Board Games

Before we were "in the know" enough to know that the best games are generally not available at K-Mart, Paul and I used to go to K-Mart and look at games. Truthfully, we went to K-Mart to look at most things. Alice Springs, AU was a fairly uncomplicated place to live as a consumer. There was one shopping mall, but it's "anchor store" was not a Dillards or Nordstrum, but a Coles grocery store. Basically the only place you could look at DVDs and home appliances in one place was the K-Mart. If you have ever said "I'm bored, wanna go wander around the mall?" Then you understand the impetus for our trips to the K-Mart. So one day, at the K-Mart, we saw these games, shrink-wrapped together as a two-pack. We were instantly drawn to "Sumo! The Game of Belly to Belly Combat!" and couldn't pass it up. We never played "Let's Do Lunch, Where You Eat'em to Beat'em" featuring cannibals. It was obviously the equivalent of the forgettable movie manufacturers try to foist off on you if you buy the 2-fer DVDS. But we did play the Sumo game a couple times. We then displayed the players and board as the kitsch centerpiece on our coffee-table, where they were a source of constant joy.

If your home decor is feeling stale, maybe you need these two cute wrestlers to brighten up your living space!

Or if you're just into the idea of a cannibal board game--we can do that too!