Kindle

Now I have the Kindle. And I've barely had any time to revel in it. And I
m still feeling some guilt. And the DVD player broke yesterday. And even though we finally worked out things with our landlord, the next week our tenant called, pointed out the lower market value on the sublet and we ended up lowering her rent. So I have untll March 3rd to return it for a refund and I'm wondering if I should. Should I?

Or should I keep it. I really haven't done much with the money my dad left when he died--aside from spend it all on rent and school. And I did have this idea that maybe I should get one thing.

And a Kindle is like a magic book thing--(who was the guy who said that technology, advanced enough, is virtually indistinguishable from magic?) if it was a magic book, that could be any book, I would have no problem keeping my Kindle. Because magic doesn't get upgraded every six months. But in this day and age, I can end up regretting spending my resources on the magic book, because there's other magic just around the corner. Magic in color, with a bigger screen, or better pdf formatting.

There was this guy at the TED conference who talked about how more choices actually make us less happy. Because it makes constantly question our satisfaction with what we have.

400th Post

I just realized that as I logged in. I have 399 posts under my belt, making this one number 400. Which is a little momentous, and also sad, because I don't have a momentous post planned--just the same off-the-cuff post as always.

Self deprecating even, because I have two quick things on my mind.

1) Is that my blog SUCKS compared to some of these new-fangled blogs that the young-uns are making these days. Take my roomate, S. Do you see the multiple headings? Different categories for pictures, for lists of cool things she likes, for off-topic musings--get this, her blog is THEMED, and then she has a section for just...whatever's on her mind.
My blog has no theme, it's only the whatever.
I don't have any headings, and in four years I've never created an archive category or filled in the "about me" section.

Plus, there is the quality of the writing. She has voice , seriously, how she writes is how she talks, which is intelligent and funny. Not that I don't write how I talk, I just don't talk that voice-y, and I have steadily gotten less funny and intelligent. I like to think this is, to some extent, a matter of polish. My blog posts are less rehearsed now that in days of yore, so that could account for lack of quality--but by the same token, she writes her posts in front of the television. She can write and watch American Idol at the same time. I've seen her do it. I can't do anything else while watching American Idol. People are singing and crying, and Kara's flirting up a storm and there's Ellen. So, no, I can't write a coherent sentence while watching American Idol. So I end up writing in bed at 2:20 AM. Which brings me to

2) One of the my New Year's Resolutions, the "Go to bed at a reasonable hour" one, must officially be declared a FAIL. I think I defined reasonable as 11pm or midnight. I've maybe hit the midnight goal twice, or once, or never, since the beginning of the new year.

However, I had another resolution--I don't know if I ever even posted it--my new years resolutions series is not yet complete-- but it was a real resolution that I thought of prior to the new year--to walk the downstairs neighbor's dog, because they never do. And I HAVE indeed done this twice, I just haven't mentioned it because I wanted to be all cool and post a picture of the dog when I talked about it, but I keep not getting around to taking the picture. S would have taken the picture by now. And posted it. While watching television.

Small Accomplishment

This past weekend...

Accomplishment #1: Did laundry

Setback #1: Pulled laundry from dryer to find I had also laundered the blue ink -pen in one of Paul's pockets, which broke and blue speckled all clothing and linens. Especially sad for the light gray Anthropologie pants that I wear at least twice a week because I don't have very many pants.

Accomplishment #2: Found three-year-old wine colored RIT dye and dyed said pants. I didn't want them to be too purpley so I also added a dozen tea bags to brown it up a little. I have no idea if this had any effect. But I think the pants turned out okay, and i'm kind of proud... As long as I can remember not to wash them with any other clothes and avoid ending up with pink clothes with blue speckles.

Like A Sneeze Guard to the Soul

Day 11 of the sinus infection / cold thingy. Used tissues overflow from the wastebaskets in every room. When my head is clogged up like this, my emotions feel a little dull. Everything seems fuzzy around the edges. It's like a sneeze guard to my soul. I understand that the world still has crisp lines and vibrant colors, but I just can't quite experience it through the thick plastic.

For this reason I feel I am not quite appreciating a couple of nice things that happened over the weekend, but I completely recognize they are things that, once the sneeze guard is removed, will be entirely worthy of celebration.

1) Our landlord decided to only raise our rent a third of his original increase. This is excellent. The original increase was way too high, and this is reasonable, and saves me the trouble of trolling on Craigslist for a new place to live... and MOVING. In my dreams, we will not have to move for a very long time.

2) A woman I have asked for life-rights in order to write a screenplay has agreed. A happy occasion.

Follow to Last Post

By 9pm feeling much better, less convinced of cancer.

And I ORDERED A KINDLE!

So happy? It's an odd phenomenon, the way buying something that you can afford, even though you shouldn't afford it, gives you a little rush. I think it has to do with feeling a little sense of control in a life that is otherwise uncontrollable.

I swear I'm going to do good things to deserve it. I started by calling the company of my desired internship, but apparently the production office isn't open yet, so they aren't taking any applications. Off the hook.

That time of year again

In my more zen moments I always think I can, through self-awareness avoid the ones like these: sick and stressed and extremely insecure about my abilities to achieve the goals I set for myself.

I love that conversation in Joe Vs. the Volcano where Joe's boss is talking on the phone, saying "I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?....I'm not arguing that with you, I know he can get the job. But can he do the job?"

Right now there is an internship that I would like. I've revamped my resume (i.e. cut it down by two pages and tried to emphasize admin). But I haven't called. Why not? What's the worst that can happen, they'll say no? No, i'm more worried they'll say yes, and where will I find the time to give them. On an energetic, healthy day, no problem. On days like today, when I wake up sore, with gummy eyes and a desire to cry, the idea of sacrificing a day of writing time and still making my deadlines seems overwhelming.

I try to remember when being sick was just being sick. You just went on with your life, except sick. It's not like that now. Waking up sick is like waking up with a bowling ball of anxiety in my heart. And I know I probably say this every time I blog when I'm sick, it's a cancer survivor thing, blah blah. If I get sick twice in three months, I think my cancer is coming back. If it takes longer than a week to recover, same thing. I start imagining in the back of my mind about how I will handle various obligations when I get the diagnosis. I buy the insurance on my classes every term. I'm making a production book for script list so that if I ever had to hand it off, everything would be there. And at some level, I think that's why I'll put off the call about the internship--because a cold=undiagnosed cancer, and I'm just going to have to quit, and I hate quitting? Wow, that's all pretty messed up.

Oh, and on a completely different note. I still really want a Kindle. The want has not subsided. I'm thinking of ordering one now.