PERSONAL ASSISTANT POSITIONS
Personal assistant for experienced showrunner living/working in Weho. Simple duties: errands, grocery shopping, light phones. $500 a week, 5 days a week, fairly flexible hours. Showrunner will not read your writing. Send resumes to firstname.lastname@example.org.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in response to your advertisement on the UTA job list for a personal assistant.
I’m responsible, honest, and organized. I’m a big fan of simple duties. I love grocery shopping on the clock. I have an excellent phone manner. I have run errands large and small, late and early, forgettable and worthy of a chapter in someone’s memoirs (but not mine, since I am also very discreet, and in some cases bound by non-disclosure agreements.)
I want to be upfront, however, and let you know that I had to leave my last place of employ because my boss was obsessed with reading my writing, and could not take “no” for an answer. I have a very strict “no-reading” policy.
I’ve attached my resume, and would be happy to meet and see if we might be a good fit.
* It's difficult, because it's incredibly tempting to want to read the writing of someone who can navigate the Trader Joe's with such finesse, but really, even if you beg, the answer is no.